


Passions, misgivings and wants

by kleemoon (orphan_account)



Category: 30 Seconds to Mars
Genre: Angst, Language, M/M, Sibling Incest, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-01 20:21:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17250776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/kleemoon





	Passions, misgivings and wants

You know what they say about guys who wanna fuck their brothers? Or even worse, about guys who are actually fucking their brothers? Or maybe you don’t because ... it’s just not talked about.

And why is it not talked about? It’s just sex between two consenting adults. It’s not forced. It’s not rape. It’s all a part of love, all a part of joining together and becoming one with your bodies and your minds and your hearts. But ... it’s still not right.

It’s not right because brothers are not supposed to love each other, at least not in a wanna jump your bones kind of way. They are supposed to love each other in a punch each other in the arm way. They are supposed to love each other in a will you be the best man at my wedding kind of way, not a I want to spend the rest of my life with you in my bed way. They are allowed to touch each other in public, as long as it means they’re supporting each other as brothers, not as lovers.

Jared didn’t want to love Shannon as a brother. He didn’t want to punch him in the arm, well, maybe sometimes, but he definitely didn’t want to be the best man at his wedding. He didn’t want Shannon to get married at all, and if that was a selfish thing to want, then so be it. Shannon was the most important person in his life and it had been that way for what he knew had been forever. Shannon was his stability, his security, his safe place. He was the first person Jared wanted to see when he got up in the morning and the last person he wanted to see when he closed his eyes at night.

So why was he making Shannon sleep in another room? Why was he trying to avoid the man he had been in love with for almost his whole life? He made excuses for not getting physical; “I have a cold”, “I’m not feeling well”, “someone’s coming by this afternoon and they might see us.” Excuses, excuses, excuses, that Shannon could see right through.

But Shannon never really said anything to Jared about it, just like he always let Jared do whatever he wanted, act however he wanted and be whoever he wanted. He didn’t push or pull or question, he just let Jared be Jared. And that made Jared feel even worse about the mishmash of feelings he had going on inside of him.

He wanted Shannon to kiss him and fuck him and love him. He wanted him to be with only him, but the twisty-turny emotions that sat raw and exposed in his gut had made him a guilt-ridden asshole every time he touched Shannon lately or Shannon touched him. He couldn’t seem to get comfortable in his own skin when he was with his brother. He couldn’t enjoy all the things he’d always enjoyed, and he couldn’t just let Shannon love him the way they both wanted.

Maybe it had been because they’d almost been caught in a compromising position backstage in London, almost, but not quite. Jared had managed to pull up his pants just in time for Tomo to not be completely sure of what he’d seen. Shannon had just laughed it off, but the image and fear had stuck in Jared’s mind and still haunted him every time he was with Shannon.

Or maybe it was just that Jared had grown a conscience over the past couple of months, the possible fault of falling asleep in front of the TV one night and being awoken by the screaming of some TV preacher. The man had been yelling about defaming God, being struck down in the prime of life and the sin of homosexuality and ... incest. Jared had tried to shrug it off in the way that Shannon seemed to always be able to do, but that incident had haunted him when he slept and even sometimes when he was awake.

He found himself wishing things were different, wishing he either didn’t love and want Shannon in the way he did or that they weren’t brothers at all. He wanted to wish away his celebrity so that he and Shannon could at least be assured some sense of privacy to do what they wanted. That’s the way it worked with other family members who were in love, didn’t it? They were just able to keep their private lives, private, without the worry of being caught in a lie or in a compromising position in the public eye, and having it broadcast all over the world.

Jared had even tried sleeping with a couple different guys over the past couple of months, hoping that his feelings and yearnings for Shannon would just disappear if he satisfied at least part of those emotions that were so strong; the sexual part. He’d fucked and been fucked, but it had only made him miss Shannon more; the expert way Shannon kissed him, the familiar way his strong, calloused hands knew exactly where to touch and stroke, the slow way Shannon entered him that made Jared’s insides scream out for more, the overwhelming way Shannon took him to the height of orgasm and back again over and over, and even the protective way Shannon held him tightly when they were both sated and spent.

The fact that the band had been touring so much lately had enabled Jared to keep Shannon at arms’ length at least, plus all the personal appearances Jared had been doing alone. He’d always invited Shannon along when he had to travel alone, but lately he’d been avoiding even doing that. He’d sat alone in countless hotels, ignoring Shannon’s phone calls and his texts until absolutely necessary. It wasn’t that he wanted to hurt Shannon, that was actually the last thing he’d ever want to do, but he felt so conflicted, so discontented in everything he did lately that Shannon getting hurt just became inevitable.

With Christmas and his birthday staring him in the face, Jared had been able to hold Shannon at bay a little longer due, of course, to the fact that the holidays were busy times that involved a lot of family and friends and not much privacy between the brothers. Jared was thankful for that, but that time was quickly coming to an end, and the new year slowly creeping in bringing with it the long-awaited trip that Jared had planned for just the two of them.

If he was already having problems holding off Shannon’s affections, and his own, how would he be able to do it on a secluded resort where there were only the two of them to keep each other company? The mere thought of dealing with his feelings and anxiety over the whole situation brought a sheen of cold sweat to his forehead, and made his palms grow clammy. He prided himself on being an intelligent man, but that was something even he could not wrap his head around, let alone try to problem solve.

He seriously wondered how he and his brother would return from their private time together; as brothers or lovers or not speaking at all.


End file.
